Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
