I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
