Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
