I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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