eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
