It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
