closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
