Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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