your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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