I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
