It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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