That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
