this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We just shotgunned beers for America
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
