Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize