sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
