i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
