Screwed.edu
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
