DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
