It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
