I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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