just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
