he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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