The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
