i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
