You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
