Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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