I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
