I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I've blown a few things in my day
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
