So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
