I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
