I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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