ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
