I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She bit a glass in half.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
