He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
