i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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