i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize