Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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