so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
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i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
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The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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