I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
