He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize