I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
