he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
