she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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