Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
