I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
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I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
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How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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