i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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