the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
