tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
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