I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
