you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
