I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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