you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
