Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Four minutes until I can fart!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I need a beard to bite.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
