Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
