So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize