There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Congratulations! We have a period
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
