I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
