his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
