she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
