It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
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No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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