I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
