ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
