TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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