I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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