Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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