Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
