Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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