Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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