Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
