just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
