I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
