Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
