I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
