you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
