When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
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his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
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