My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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