But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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