Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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