I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
