I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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