New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
