I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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