just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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