just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
