I cockslap morals
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I need a beard to bite.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
