i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
