Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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